𝐆𝐨𝐝'𝐬 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐭

I hate it here.

❤︎ Synopsis. Trapped in a reverse harem of overpowered, emotionally unstable warlords, I’ve learned three things: love is just a polite word for obsession, survival is a full-time job, and statistically speaking, I should have died five times by now. But sure—tell me again how this is every girl’s dream.

♡ Book. Whispers in the Dark (WITD): Subtle Devotion, Lingering Shadows.

♡ Pairing. Yandere! Various! Otome Isekai Characters x Fem. Reader

♡ Headcanons. How to Survive a Reverse Harem (You Don’t)

♡ Word Count. 2,235

♡ TW. Heavy Dark Humor + Satirical Comedy, Reader dissing everyone including you (I’m talking about all of you Readers)

♡ A/N. That was a very enthusiastic response. Sounds oddly familiar, and very ENFP. I could be wrong, but the intro reminds me of people. Anyways… This isn’t a request, but an ASK. I genuinely do like world building. However, this ask requires a semi-formal answer. Hence, the organization. Also I’m shocked you showed me actual lore. Reminds me of this request for Yandere! Marine Corps. Though, this does have a different structure than my usual works. But still entertaining. Also, I worked on this quickly, because I enjoyed writing in this style tbh. Just once in a while.

♡ Their Story. One of them wants to marry you. The other wants to make sure he never does.

[BEGIN LOG]

Date: Irrelevant. Time: Wasted. Will to live: Nonexistent.

Not sure if it qualifies as survival or just prolonged suffering. Either way, I’m still here. Yay me.

For those of you who have found this document, congratulations. That means either one of three things:

1. You’re as desperate for answers as I was.
2. You’re already too deep into this mess and need a coping mechanism (writing helps, trust me).
3. You’re dead, and this is just some eldritch horror reading through my notes like a bedtime story before coming after me next.

If it’s option three, I hope you choke on my misery.

You ever wake up and wonder if, at some point in your past life, you pissed off some all-powerful cosmic entity? Like maybe you accidentally stepped on the Eldritch Lord of Relationships’ robe, and now you’re cursed to live in the world’s most EXHAUSTING social experiment?

No? Just me?

Well, sit down, idiots. Because apparently, you people find this entertaining.

Let’s get one thing straight. Reverse harems are not fun. You think it’s all, “Oh, she’s got multiple hot, dangerous men fighting over her, how dreamy!”—wrong. It’s like living in an active war zone but instead of actual grenades, it’s obsessive, overpowered lunatics with emotional damage so profound it could be studied in medical journals. There is nothing enjoyable about constantly monitoring the probability of spontaneous assassination attempts every time you walk into a room.

For whatever reason, some of you seem to think strength is the most important thing in this nightmare circus. Oh, how stupid. How naïve. If power alone decided the outcome of battles, then history books wouldn’t exist. But sure, let’s indulge your little power ranking delusions and talk about these walking natural disasters.

———

Before we begin, let me ask you, dear audience, one simple question: What is actually wrong with you?

No, really. Because I need to understand what kind of psychosis leads a person to actively seek out and romanticize a scenario in which one (1) socially detached, chronically exhausted individual (me) is forced to navigate an entire reverse harem of homicidal, magical, and politically influential lunatics.

You. Yes, you reading this. You think this is fun? You think it’s “hot”? You think I’d enjoy this?

Congratulations, you’re officially the reason why the world deserves to burn.

Now, since you refuse to let me die in peace and insist on knowing which of these disasters would hypothetically survive an all-out brawl (which, by the way, has already happened multiple times because they all suffer from incurable testosterone poisoning), I suppose I have no choice but to indulge your delusions.

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❤︎ Disclaimer (because some of you can’t read).

Before you open your shriveled little mouths to cry about “power scaling” or “but actually, technically—” let me stop you right there. Everyone in this story is ridiculously strong. Their strength could shatter nations, rewrite laws of reality, and make lesser beings soil themselves at the mere thought of their existence. Compared to you? They might as well be extraterrestrial beings.

But compared to each other? Well. That’s where things get interesting.

So sit down, shut up, and try not to let your fragile egos get bruised when your favorite isn’t ranked as the ultimate all-powerful deity. You’re lucky I even bothered to explain this, considering most of you wouldn’t last five minutes in this world without crying, vomiting, or both.

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Now, onto the subject at hand: Ranking the Men Who Have Made My Life a Living Hell.

Yes. Them. The supposed “love interests” of this so-called story. You ever wake up one day, and find yourself as the unfortunate soul caught in the crossfire of some overpowered, emotionally unstable men with enough magic, weaponry, and unresolved trauma to wage an entire war over you?

That’s me. Hi. Welcome to my breakdown.

Since I’ve managed to slip through the cracks (for now), I’ve decided to document their strengths. For research purposes? For future escape attempts? For spite? Who knows. Maybe all of the above. Maybe none.

Here’s what I’ve compiled so far:

———

❤︎ Physical Strength Ranking.

Because sometimes, magic isn’t enough and these men like to resolve their issues with their fists. Or swords. Or daggers. Or just brute force in general. It’s exhausting.

(Or: “Which One Would Yeet Me Across a Room the Farthest”)

♡ Yandere! Master Thief – Listen. He’s fast. He’s slippery. He’s also the most likely to run away instead of engaging in actual combat. He doesn’t fight, he strategically retreats. If he has to fight, he wins by being an insufferable bastard. But brute force? No. If I had a rock, I could probably take him in a fistfight. (This is foreshadowing.)

♡ Yandere! Supreme Mage – He’s not weak, but let’s be real—he doesn’t train his body, he trains his magic. The only reason he’s above the thief is because he’s at least accustomed to lifting heavy grimoires and standing dramatically in high towers while the wind blows through his robes. That has to count for something.

♡ Yandere! Archduke – You would think someone of his status would have the raw strength to back it up, but let’s be real: he has People for that. Like, actual armies. Sure, he’s dangerous, but it’s not because of his strength. It’s because he can literally just send an entire brigade after you while he sits there sipping wine and making vague threats.

♡ Yandere! Crown Prince – A lifetime of royal training has made him decent at combat. He has discipline, skill, and years of experience with a sword. But would he win in a feral, no-holds-barred fistfight? No. Absolutely not. He’s still a prince. Which means at his core, he’s pampered. He would hesitate to fight dirty. And that’s why he would lose.

♡ Yandere! War Hero – Finally, someone who has actually seen some shit. He has the scars, the combat experience, and the sheer stubbornness of someone who refuses to die out of pure spite. Physically strong, absolutely. But he’s also very “by the book” when it comes to fighting. Which is unfortunate for him, because the next three don’t play fair.

♡ Yandere! Demon Assassin – Built different. Too fast, too smart, too unhinged to go down easily. He fights like he’s a glitch in reality—no wasted movement, no hesitation. Also the most likely to stab you first and ask questions never.

♡ Yandere! Demon King – Do I even need to explain this one? He is literally a demon king. He has killed celestial beings. His rage alone can shatter mountains. I once saw him accidentally break an entire fortress just because he got mildly irritated. Mildly.

♡ Yandere! Enemy Spy – …Ah. And here we are. The anomaly. The one that should not be this powerful and yet somehow is.

Listen, I know things. Things that you don’t. Just trust me when I say that if you think the Demon King is the most terrifying entity on this list, you are not ready for the truth.

———

❤︎ Magical Strength Ranking.

If I had a gold coin for every time I nearly died from spontaneous magic exposure, I’d buy an alternate dimension where none of these people exist. But alas.

(Or: “Which One Would Destroy Reality the Fastest”)

♡ Yandere! War Hero – He’s strong, yes, but magically? Almost nonexistent. He’s a normal human being (albeit an absurdly powerful one). No magical gimmicks, just raw battle instinct. You could drop-kick him into another universe and he’d probably still survive off sheer willpower alone.

♡ Yandere! Crown Prince – Has magic. Uses it occasionally. But his real strength is in political manipulation and military strategy. If he’s using magic, it means shit has hit the fan hard.

♡ Yandere! Master Thief – Ah yes. Magic. The cheating tool of cowards. He doesn’t have raw magical power, but he has a frankly unfair amount of tricks that let him survive situations where he absolutely should have died. His whole existence is a scam.

♡ Yandere! Archduke – Refined, tactical, and disturbingly efficient. He does not waste magic. If he’s using it, it’s because you’re already dead.

♡ Yandere! Demon Assassin – Fast. Deadly. Unpredictable. The kind of person who would kill you with a single spell and not even stick around to see if it worked. Annoying.

♡ Yandere! Demon King – If raw magical power were the deciding factor, he’d be top three. He wields the kind of destructive force that civilizations fear. But he’s also emotionally unstable, which means he can be baited into losing control. Good for psychological warfare. Bad for literally everything else.

♡ Yandere! Supreme Mage – Time. Magic. Literal reality alteration. And yet, he is still not the most powerful one here. Why? Because despite his ability to turn back time, he still cannot escape the cursed fate of being a yandere in an otome isekai narrative.

♡ Yandere! Enemy Spy – I refuse to elaborate. This man is an anomaly. He should not be this strong. There is no reason for it. And yet, here we are. Spoilers? Yeah, I have them. Will I share? No. Wallow in ignorance, as I do in despair.

As if I’d tell you. What, do you think I get paid to explain my personal torment to an invisible audience? No, I do this out of spite.

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❤︎ Conclusion.

If, at any point, you read through this document and thought to yourself, “Wow, this is so cool!” I regret to inform you that you have lost all credibility as a rational human being. There is nothing “cool” about being trapped in a constant state of hyper-awareness, wondering which psychotic warlord is going to attempt a romantic gesture that results in a body count.

To those who still believe that my life is some sort of dream scenario: I envy your naivety. May you never experience the reality of what it means to be the object of multiple obsessive affections. May you never know the fear of realizing that every person in your immediate vicinity could, with minimal effort, end your existence in ways that defy the laws of physics.

And if you still insist on romanticizing this?

Congratulations, you have Stockholm Syndrome. Seek help.

Disgusting.

And yet. Despite it all. You’re still here. You’ll come back. You’ll keep reading. Because deep down, you are not normal. You enjoy this insanity.

And that? That’s on you.

I wash my hands of this nonsense. Goodbye.

I don’t even care anymore. If you want to simp, fine. Just know that I am staring directly into your pathetic, degenerate soul and judging you immensely.

———

❤︎ Final notes. Power does not equate to survival. Intelligence does. And if you’re reading this, you’re already at a disadvantage because they’re smarter than they look. Pray for me. Or don’t. At this point, I have no expectations.

[END LOG]

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If you want to be added or removed from the tag list, just comment on this post. Thank you.

General TAG LIST of “Whispers In The Dark”: @keisocool , @elvabeth , @elloredef , @mjsjshhd , @lem-hhn , @yuki-istired , @lilyalone , @starryperson , @yandreams-storageblog , @tiffyisme3760 , @songbirdgardensworld , @yune1337

❤︎ Fang Dokja’s Books.

♡ Book 1. A Heart Devoured (AHD): A Dark Yandere Anthology
♡ Book 2. Forbidden Fruits (FF): Intimate Obsessions, Unhinged Desires.
♡ Book 3. World Ablaze (WA) : For You, I’d Burn the World.
♡ Book 4 [you are here]. Whispers in the Dark (WITD): Subtle Devotion, Lingering Shadows.
♡ Book 5. Ink & Insight (I&I): From Dead Dove to Daydreams.
♡ Library MASTERPOST 1. The Librarian’s Ledger: A Map to The Library of Forbidden Texts.

♡ Disclaimer. Not all stories are included in the masterpost due to Tumblr’s link limitations. However, most long-form stories can be found here. If you’re searching for a specific yandere or theme, this guide will help you navigate The Library of Forbidden Texts. Proceed with caution—these tales explore obsession, madness, and devotion in their rawest forms.